he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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