oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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