Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
