Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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