You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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