Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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