1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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