I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize