I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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