Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
