I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
