You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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