I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
