Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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