saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
