It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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