You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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