Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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