And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
