I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
