I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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