im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
