Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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