U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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