I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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