Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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