He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I queefed so loud it echoed.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
