When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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