I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
