I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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