Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
