Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
