Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We were destined to go to rehab together
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
