Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
