the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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