Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
