At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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