Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
