Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So many bounce houses so little time
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
