Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
