Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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