I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
is that a dick in a sweater?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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