i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
