I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just had sex on a roof
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