I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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