I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
