thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
