I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
