If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
