dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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