guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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