Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
