I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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