who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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