I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Crop dusting thru forever 21
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
