Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We're too hungover to prance.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
