It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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