Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You are the jesus of drinking
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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