I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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