yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
