Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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