loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize