Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize