Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
