she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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