the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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