I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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