New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
