Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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