The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
tell me about the fingering
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