Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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